Cambridge Therapy Blog

What to do When you're Wronged: Counseling Therapy Tips

posted Sep 1, 2012, 3:43 PM by Anthony Centore

Living life is easy when everyone treats you well. You’re happier, you have high levels of self-confidence, and you feel like everyone is on your side. However, what happens when someone treats you bad or wrongs you? When a person is wronged, they tend to change their whole perception on life; they lose confidence in themselves, they become more pessimistic, etc. It only takes one person to wrong you to turn your day from beautiful to depressing. People will wrong you whether you like it or not, but it’s how you react when your wronged that will determine the type of life you choose to live: a happy one or a sad one. If you want to choose the happier life, follow the 5 tips below in order to react properly when someone wrongs you. Note: This article was written by Thriveworks Cambridge Therapy non-clinical staff writer)

 

1)   Do nothing – The mistake that most people make when others wrong them is that they immediately do something about it. When someone wrongs you, you will be tempted to immediately react, but these are just your emotions talking. So remember to pause a bit when someone wrongs you in order to recollect your thoughts

 

2)   Measure the Situation – Right when someone wrongs you, rate their action on a scale of one to ten on how bad their action was. If their action was a 2 or 3, then don’t immediately let your emotions take over. For instance, if someone gives you a dirty look, just shrug it off, there’s no need to go to war with him or her; your better off ignoring his or her action.

 

3)   Surround yourself with Positivity – Most people tend to be depressed not because they live sad lives, but because they are surrounded by jerks that make them sad. If you tend to have “friends” that wrong you by making fun of you excessively, then it is in your best interest to ditch these friends. If you’re surrounded by nothing but friends who help you out, then you will never feel wronged by them.

 

4)   You’re in Control – The world is surrounded by lots of jealous people who want to wrong you in order to make themselves feel better. Always remember that you’re in control of your life, no one else. So if someone wrongs you by making fun of the clothes you wear, how you act, and what you do, ignore them because you know yourself better than they know you.

 

5)   Don’t be Afraid to Get Witty – When someone wrongs you, usually the first emotion you go through is anger. It is in your best interest to suppress this emotion. Some people find it easier to get witty with the person that wrongs them rather than walking away; they turn the other person’s insult into a joke. For instance, if someone wrongs you by saying your clothes look stupid, don’t be afraid to get witty with them. You can say, “Thanks, my mom said the same thing.” Also, don’t be afraid to laugh off someone’s insults. When someone insults you, they are trying to toy with your emotions, but when you laugh instead of get angry, this tends to make them shut up; they realize that you’re immune to their insults.

 

It is up to you to decide whether or not you want to live a happy life. The ones who live happy lives are the ones who react properly to people that wrong them. I admit I used to be one of those people who didn’t know how to react properly. I learned that the more I let others get to me, the sadder I tended to be. The tips given above are tips that I constantly use when people wrong me, and by the end of the day, I’m a happier person. Just read through the tips several times and not only will you be immune to other people wronging you, but you will also have more control over your life.   To reach a therapist in Cambridge, MA, contact us anytime a617-671-1264.

How to Quit your Dead End Job

posted Aug 24, 2012, 6:44 AM by Anthony Centore   [ updated Aug 24, 2012, 6:45 AM ]

cambridge therapy
“About 47 percent of U.S. workers are satisfied with their jobs, according to business-research from The Conference Board, which reported that job satisfaction 20 years ago was more than 60 percent” (Tahmincloglu). 

No matter who you are, if you are sick of your job and want to call it quits, then know that you are not alone. If you are tired of your routine job, or if you feel that you want to do more with your life, then know it’s never too late. The biggest fear one may have in quitting their job is not being able to find another secure job. However, you must always do what is best for you and your happiness. The good news is that the job market in Cambridge, MA is much better than many other places across the United States. If you want to leave your miserable job behind you and instead secure a job that actually gets you excited every morning, follow these 3 simple tips. These tips explicitly explain a realistic approach to getting out of your dead end job.

 

1)   Explore – DO NOT quit your current job until you’ve done research about other job openings. Many people make the mistake of quitting their job and later finding out that no other jobs are available. While keeping your current job, broaden your horizon by volunteering, going to night classes, and asking family and friends for job openings they might know of.

 

2)   Your Interests - Maybe the reason why you’re sick of your dead end job is because it has nothing to do with your interests. Believe it or not, some people have jobs that pay them lots of money to do the things they love. Instead of quitting your job immediately, you can take on a part-time job that doesn’t conflict with your work hours. The beauty of part-time jobs is that you are able to explore different jobs at flexible hours. If you end up working a part-time job that clicks with your interests, you are one step closer to replacing your dead end job with a job that’s actually worth working.

 

3)   Save Money – Quitting your dead end job doesn’t necessarily mean you have to find another job fast. It is best to start saving money as soon as possible. That way, when you do get fed up with your dead end job, you can take time off to rethink things concerning both your professional and personal life. Instead of taking night classes (mentioned above), you can go to a two-year college to receive hands on training doing something you love; businesses are more willing to hire you if you have any sort of college experience.

 

No matter what happens, never forget that you are a successful person. The reason you want to quit your job is not because you are giving up, but because you want a job that will benefit your professional and personal life. If you are considering quitting your dead end job, then follow the tips above. These tips will not only relieve the stress that comes with quitting your dead end job, but they will also remind you that getting out of your miserable, dead end job is 100 percent possible. (Written by non-clinical Cambridge Therapy staff)

 

Cambridge Couples Therapy - Encouraging Your Partner to Attend Therapy

posted Aug 19, 2012, 7:24 PM by Anthony Centore   [ updated Aug 19, 2012, 7:36 PM ]

It is common in couples therapy to have one partner be reluctant.  This is sometimes because that partner doesn’t believe in counseling or they no longer have hope for the relationship.  Often, the latter is a result of the couple waiting until the breaking point before seeking help.  Here are ten ways to encourage your partner to join you in couples counseling.  They are not meant to manipulate – if you are attempting to manipulate, these will not work.  You yourself must also be dedicated to improving the relationship and yourself as a person.

First, don’t wait too long.  Couples counseling works best as an early line of defense.  If you’re experiencing problems, the first step is always to try to talk it out with your partner.  If that doesn’t work, consider getting help.  Often only a few sessions are required to resolve the problem.  If you have waited until that breaking point, don’t give up, even if it’s harder!  Therapists often help couples in that place.

Second, offer a trade or favor.  This is not blackmail– the point of this is to go beyond what is fair.  Consider giving something up for your partner in exchange for going.  This route might work if your partner isn’t willing to think that the counseling will help.

Thirdly, focus on your change.  Don’t make the counseling about your partner’s problems.  Make it about changing and improving yourself in the relationship, and ask for their help in doing so.

Forth, First show positive changes in yourself.  Show your partner the counseling is working by showing what you’ve learned, or even going to counseling by yourself before going together.

Fifth, Tell your partner you want to “partner” with them in improving your relationship.  Be willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve that goal.

Sixth, remind your partner that the counselor is impartial.  If you’ve met the counselor first, offer a chance for your partner to meet them alone, or find a new counselor together.

Seventh, Try a phone consultation.  This can help a nervous partner ease into the idea of counseling.

Eighth, Ask what they would want out of the counseling, hypothetically.  This could help your partner from thinking of it as “your idea” and come up with the potential gains of going.

Ninth, If your partner thinks the relationship is doomed, you can use an “even if” argument.  “Even if” it fails, couples counseling can help you two end your relationship on a friendly note and help prevent current mistakes being repeated in a later relationship.  If it does end in divorce, thousands of dollars can be saved by separating on pleasant terms.

Tenth, Lastly, have hope.  Talk about how you think the counseling can help, that you have hope, and that you want to have a happy future relationship.  Being positive is a huge first step.

S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in Cambridge, MA - Therapy Tips

posted Aug 19, 2012, 7:15 PM by Anthony Centore   [ updated Aug 19, 2012, 7:21 PM ]

Ahh yes, Fall, the season filled with Cambridge festivals, scary pumpkins, delicious Thanksgiving Turkeys, pies, yams, football games and so much more! Although Fall does sound like fun and games, it may not be for the most of us. Yeah that’s right, Fall’s festivities can be negatively affected by S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  This season is usually when S.A.D. starts and it affects not thousands, but millions of Americans! Who knows, you might have been a victim of S.A.D.! If any of these thoughts have been going through your head, you might be suffering from this disorder:

 

-       “All I feel like doing is sleeping”

-       “I have no energy to do anything”

-       “I constantly feel stressed”

-       “I am constantly sad, but I have no reason to be”

-       “I just need lots of comfort food”

-       “Where did these new aches and pains come from?”

-       “I’d rather just stay at home all day then go out and see my family and friends”

 

S.A.D. is a constant cycle, happening every year around the same time--especially in northern states like Massachusetts. Although you may have fallen victim to S.A.D. in the past, there is good news. There are ways to impede S.A.D. and steps you can take to avoid falling victim to this disorder. Here are a few therapy tips improve your immunity towards S.A.D. this year...

 

1)   Go to the gym. Instead of being a couch potato and soaking yourself in your own sorrow, go running, lift weights, do whatever it takes to break a sweat. If you don’t feel like driving to the gym or do not want to see other people, then exercise in the comfort of your home; this could be in your backyard. Exercise helps release serotonin, which boosts your confidence and gets rid of depression. Also, while exercising outside, the sun will provide you with Vitamin D, which not only revitalizes your body, but your mind and mood as well.

 

2)   It’s time to break up with carbohydrates (you two weren’t soulmates anyways). In the Fall, we tend to crave foods such as breads, pasta, and stew. These types of food are known as “comfort foods”. When experiencing S.A.D., eating these comfort foods will only make you, well, S.A.D.DER. You will feel lazier, more depressed, and more tired. Instead, focus on foods that provide you with tons of vitamins, such as fruits, fish, and nuts.  If you are looking for meals that fill you up while filling you with vitamins, try looking at a vegetarian menu. Vegetarian meals are great alternatives to meals that use “comfort foods”.  If avoiding carbohydrates is impossible, it is ok to eat them here and there, but remember, you are only going on occasional dates with these carbs, not marrying them.

 

3)   You gotta get the D, Vitamin D that is. When the sun begins to set at earlier times in the Fall, it’s not wonder why we start to feel down. Less sun = less Vitamin D. However, you can still absorb Vitamin D even without the sun. Are you a fan of milk? Fish? Egg yolks? Soymilk? Liver? Cereal? Oatmeal? Then you are in luck, because all of these foods have healthy amounts of Vitamin D. If you are lactose intolerant or on a diet that prohibits some of these foods, then you can purchase supplements and take your Vitamin D in a pill. Remember, the more Vitamin D you take in the less S.A.D. you will be.

 

4)   Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  When you are affected by S.A.D., usually you want to have nothing to do with anyone. However, if S.A.D. has affected you too much, seek counseling or other mental professionals who can help you. The symptoms of S.A.D. can also be symptoms of something even more serious; so don’t hesitate to seek help if S.A.D. starts to overwhelmed you.

 

The whole point of Fall and Winter is for you to enjoy their festivities and delicacies. Don’t let S.A.D. get in the way of your happiness. Just follow the steps above and the next time S.A.D. comes around, you will be immune to its effects; you will also be one step closer to living a healthier, happier life. 

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